Conflict Control

Conflict makes many people so uncomfortable that they prefer to avoid or suppress it rather than dealing with it. However, conflict happens in every area of human life, and suppressing conflict may cause more problems than allowing it to develop and resolve itself. Sometimes, conflict can even cause significant improvements for all parties in the situation. Spiritually mature people understand the risks and benefits of conflict and know how to manage it when it occurs.

As God’s own chosen people, who are holy [set apart, sanctified for His purpose] and well-beloved [by God Himself], put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience [which has the power to endure whatever injustice or unpleasantness comes, with good temper]; ¹³bearing graciously with one another, and willingly forgiving each other if one has a cause for complaint against another; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so should you forgive. ¹⁴Beyond all these things put on and wrap yourselves in [unselfish] love, which is the perfect bond of unity [for everything is bound together in agreement when each one seeks the best for others]. ¹⁵Let the peace of Christ [the inner calm of one who walks daily with Him] be the controlling factor in your hearts [deciding and settling questions that arise]. To this peace indeed you were called as members in one body [of believers]. And be thankful [to God always]. ¹⁶Let the [spoken] word of Christ have its home within you [dwelling in your heart and mind—permeating every aspect of your being] as you teach [spiritual things] and admonish and train one another with all wisdom… Colossians 3:12-16

1. Conflict Is Normal.

2. Conflict Is An Opportunity For Growth.

3. Conflict Must Be Diffused Or It Will Destroy.

4. Conflict Demands Rules So No One Gets Hurt.

How Do We Diffuse Conflict in Our Relationships?

D – Define The Problem

The mind of the intelligent and discerning seeks knowledge and eagerly inquires after it, But the mouth of the [stubborn] fool feeds on foolishness. Proverbs 15:14

What I’m describing here is the issue behind the issue – oftentimes even the person who is angry isn’t really aware of the problem at its very root, because he or she hasn’t really taken the time to think it through. And what happens is that we begin fighting over something that isn’t even the real problem.

I – Initiate A Time To Talk
There is a season (a time appointed) for everything and a time for every delight and event or purpose under heaven— A time to be born and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted… A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance… A time to tear apart and a time to sew together; A time to keep silent and a time to speak… A time for war and a time for peace.. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

F – Focus On The Perceived Problem
An offended friend is harder to win back [win over] than a fortified city.
And contentions, arguments [separating families] are like the bars of a castle. Proverbs 18:19

F – Feel Their Pain
All of you be like-minded [united in spirit, of one mind], sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted [courteous and compassionate toward each other as members of one household], and humble in spirit; [keeping a humble attitude] 1 Peter 3:8

U – Uncover The Root Problem
A plan (motive, wise counsel, good advice) [Knowing what is right] in the heart of a man is like water in a deep well, But a man of understanding draws it out. Proverbs 20:5

S – Set Things RightBetween You

Listen to me, you stubborn people who are so far from doing right. [You’re a hardheaded bunch and hard to help.] For I am ready to set things right, not in the distant future, but right now! Isaiah 46:12-13

Let me give you a process for reconciliation:

1. Taking Responsibility… “Own Your Part” Luke 19:1-9
2. Confess and Repentance… “I was wrong” 2 Samuel 12:1-7,13
3. Ask forgiveness – “Will you forgive me?” Luke 15:11-24
4. Making Amends… “Putting it right” Luke 19:1-9
5. Reconciliation…. “Restored relationship” Philemon 1, 10-22

E – Establish A Specific Action Plan What is the benefit, my fellow believers, if someone claims to have faith but has no [good] works [as evidence]? Can that [kind of] faith save him? [No, a mere claim of faith is not sufficient—genuine faith produces good works.] … faith, if it does not have works [to back it up], is by itself dead [inoperative and ineffective]. James 2:14-17

Conflict is an opportunity to LEARN to LOVE our partner BETTER over time.
The goal of ending GRIDLOCK is not always to solve the problem, but to create the desire to MOVE from gridlock to dialogue….to destroy selfishness with sacrifice…

Some Assembly Required Pastor Mark Evans

Share